It's been a long time since I've actively conjured up a blog post. I feel like there is so much going on in my life, I don't even know where to begin when it comes to writing it down. However, while so much has been happening in my life, I also feel like I'm just standing still when I really should be moving forward in my life and becoming who I want to become.
I want a metamorphosis. I want to transform into the lovely butterfly I know I can be. I was sitting outside on my porch the other day, watching butterflies flutter around so care-free and living life to their fullest  and I became very envious. I feel like I haven't moved anywhere in the two years since I graduated high school. I'm still the same high school student, just older and living on my own instead of my mom's house. I haven't come into my own yet, and I think it's about damn time I do so! So I deleted my facebook in hopes of focusing only on me for the next couple months. Why delete facebook? That's a story all on it's own.
Basically, I've been running into a lot of people via facebook from my past that I never thought I would see again. Some were friends at one point, and some were acquaintances- but all of them from my past. I didn't mind it so much at first-it was great seeing old faces in pictures and catching up like old times. The only problem that really stuck with me through this was the fact that I feel like I'm not moving forward in my life. I feel like I'm stuck seeing those old people- who have their own lives, who are moving forward with school and relationships and transforming into adults- instead of moving forward from my past and meeting new faces and creating new adventures.
 I need to move. I need to breathe and take a step in the right direction and really focus on me. The people from my past will always be in my heart, and I thank them dearly for how they've formed my life in one way or another. Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. However, I'm dying to see what's ahead in my life. I'm so eager to figure out who I'm going to be, that I feel like the life I'm living and the people who I keep re-encountering are holding me back. It's time for a change.
Also, I feel like I want to be off the radar while going through my transformation. This transformation needs to be about me, so I want to take it personally and I feel that without facebook, I can concentrate on me more than the friends that I rarely see. So, for the next couple months (at least) my facebook is gone. :D
I will make this time in my life exciting. I have so many plans and goals that I want to start achieving, and it's up to me to start taking that first step. I will be posting on xanga more often now, because I really feel like this place is going to be my safe haven for my thoughts and ideas.

Keep me going, I need the motivation!

<3

You're not the same person.

 

Get Out Of My Fucking Head.

Phew, I feel like I've hardly had a chance to sit down and collect my thoughts lately. School started last week, and I can tell that this semester is going to be a tough one. I really need to get my head clear from all of my personal drama and just hash out these next couple months for school. My English class is definately going to be one that I'll be struggling in. My teacher is an awesome douchbaggy kind of guy, but I can respect him even though he makes the class intimidating. I've always been good in English, but this semester I don't think I'll be anywhere as successful in this class. Pray for me, haha.
I'm taking Western Civilizations, and this class is going to be the reason why I go to school on a morning. I can't wait for this class to fully kick in! I love ancient history and all the wars that went on in order to make our world the way it is now, ^_^ it's going to be great.
On a dramatic note, my friend and I were cut-throat last Wednesday. So much bullshit has been revolving around my friends lately, and we're all just pointing fingers at ourselves instead of trying to resolve it. Friend A decided to yell at me in class and outside of class because I skipped out on Friend B's birthday party. Granted, Friend B didn't come to my birthday, which was a day before hers, and Friend A is all on my nutts because she thinks I'm the one not trying to formulate a friendship. So, I went to Friend B and told her we needed to talk (I just wanted to show Friend A that I'm trying on my part to keep the friendship alive, even though I've all but given up on the both of them) and she told me she'd give me a call Sunday night. And what happens?!? Friend B decides to go see Inglourious Basterds instead of having a sit-down with me and hashing things out. So, all I can say is, "fuck both of them."

Ahhh. It's nice to just talk about it without the estrogen flying and people getting emotional. :)